


lemon halves

by kokiri



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kind of platonic but also no, M/M, Ornery roommate AU, baekhyun and kyungsoo are hopeless at adulting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3669342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokiri/pseuds/kokiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it is in this moment that kyungsoo truly realizes the modest two-bedroom apartment he shares with baekhyun is actually a portal to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lemon halves

**Author's Note:**

> this is the happiest thing i've ever written???

 

Baekhyun hates the smell of coffee.  
  
It’s bad enough that Kyungsoo is dragging him along to do the grocery shopping—because he’s tired of Baekhyun complaining about everything he ever cooks, but never actively doing anything about it—but there’s been an incident in aisle seven and an entire shelf of instant coffee has spilled all over the floor and every other god damn place.  
  
The most frustrating thing about Baekhyun’s life at this current moment is that Kyungsoo thinks it is okay to spend at least thirty minutes deliberating over the price of various brands of instant noodles. The smell of the Coffee Apocalypse is strong and Baekhyun decides to do what he does best in the face of minor inconveniences: he whines like a small baby.  
  
“Stop,” says Kyungsoo slowly, “whining at me. Stop whining. Stop it. I’m trying to improve our quality of life. Will you get out your phone and calculate the price of _this_ shrimp ramen, if we buy enough for the month, _assuming that I can trust you to only eat one pack per day_ , and _this_ chicken ramen if we buy enough for about two weeks because I’m the only one who likes chicken.”  
  
“I’m going to pass out. Then when I’m passed out, I want you to grab a bunch of coffee off the floor and funnel it into my mouth until I smother to death on it.”  
  
“So what I’m thinking is that we’re getting more bang for our buck if we get this brand.”  
  
“There’s literally, like, a four cent difference! I want to go home!”  
  
“But it has an extra cup.”  
  
“That’s the brand that tastes like ass! It doesn’t matter what you do with it. It tastes like ass. Watery ass.”  
  
“Watery ass,” repeats Kyungsoo. He pulls their grocery list out of his pocket. “As I recall, that’s exactly what I wrote down. _Watery ass noodles that Baekhyun hates._ Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe if you ever contributed to grocery shopping every once in a while, we could actually get food that you like? But you don’t. So, guess what, Baek! We’re getting watery ass noodles today.”  
  
“But I’m contributing now!” Baekhyun fusses.  
  
“No, this doesn’t count.” The sound of another large shelf collapsing cuts Kyungsoo off. Cheap instant coffee slides under the shelf of instant noodles and surrounds their feet like the tide on the beach. Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun. “Quick, let’s scoop this into my bag before anyone sees,” he whispers.  
  
Baekhyun is left utterly speechless.  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo is going to be floored when he gets home. He is absolutely not even going to be able to stand just how cool and nice Baekhyun is. Because Baekhyun has been cleaning the whole apartment for hours. He even did the dishes, which he hates.  
  
Sure, maybe it started out as a passive-aggressive response to Kyungsoo whining about the constant mess they are always living in— since Baekhyun is focused fully on his studies and Kyungsoo is working-full-time, both are typically left without any proper time to tidy up during the day. But that doesn’t matter now.  
  
The point is, Baekhyun did it. The apartment is spotless. Everything is perfect. Everything is perfect because he is great and the best at everything. That’s exactly what Kyungsoo is going to say when he comes home. “Baekhyun, you’re so great! And you’re the best at everything! Baekhyun, I love you! Baekhyun, can I please give you a ki—”  
  
Baekhyun shakes himself out of his long-standing, very detailed fantasy life and reminds himself that there is one thing left to do before Kyungsoo gets home from work.  
  
This is more for Baekhyun than it is for Kyungsoo. He’s always been more sensitive to smells and things like that. But he can remember distinctly that Kyungsoo has said at least twenty million times that a kitchen sink that smells nasty can be easily managed with a lemon.  
  
The thing is, Baekhyun can’t really remember how big the lemon pieces are supposed to be. He stares at the two lemon halves in his hand figures the disposal should be able to take care of it. Right as he throws them down into the disposal, the door opens and Kyungsoo is kicking his shoes off before he is even fully inside the apartment.  
  
“What a fucking day,” he sighs. “Baekhyun, do you th—whoa. Holy shit, oh my God. Baekhyun, you cleaned? The whole entire apartment?”  
  
“Yes!” Baekhyun says proudly. If he had suspenders, he would be hooking his thumbs underneath them and striking a very dignified, extremely accomplished pose.  
  
“Wow,” Kyungsoo marvels. He sets his bag on the floor and spins around in a slow circle, taking in this modern world wonder. “Well, thank you very much, Baekhyun. I really appreciate it.”  
  
“W-well,” Baekhyun stammers, trying to look cool. How does one look cool? He has no idea.  
  
“And you even did the dishes.”  
  
“I did! I also—oh, what the fuck!” Baekhyun screams, stomping his foot in frustration as the kitchen sink makes a sound equivalent to a human being throwing up. A nasty concoction of utter filth and waste is regurgitated from the drain and back into the sink, filling the apartment with a rancid smell. “Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun cries. “Oh, oh my god. What have I done! What have I _done_!”  
  
“Fix it!” Kyungsoo says frantically. “What if the sink overflows?”  
  
“What makes you think I know how to fix it? I don’t even know what a drain _is_! I don’t know anything!”  
  
Kyungsoo lets out a frustrated yell and rummages through the kitchen drawers, looking for a pair of rubber gloves. “Fine. Fine! I’ll do it. I’ll stick my hand in the sink barf! It doesn’t matter what happens, I’m always going to end up sticking my hands in gross stuff, aren’t I? Go get me the plunger.”  
  
“Plunger?”  
  
“What else do you recommend, Baekhyun? Honestly!”  
  
Baekhyun swears he is _this close_ to losing his goddamn mind as he fetches the plunger from the bathroom and hands it to Kyungsoo.  
  
“What did you put in here, anyway?” Kyungsoo asks, positioning the plunger over the drain.  
  
“Lemon… halves,” Baekhyun mumbles.  
  
“Halves?” Kyungsoo repeats disbelievingly. “Good Lord. We were so close to having a good day.”  
  
“It’s still… salvageable…?”  
  
Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun unwaveringly as he violently plunges the sink, only to be greeted with another influx of trash water. “You are so optimistic,” he says, gagging from the rotten smell.  
  
Baekhyun plugs his nose and lets out a small whine. Maybe one of these days.  
  
  
  
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. “Kyungsoo, listen. Please wake up. I need to ask you something. Please, it’s really important. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyung—” Baekhyun is silenced by a small hand flying over his mouth.  
  
“What. What! Honestly, what? At six in the morning?”  
  
“Iwahgalscoucooie.”  
  
Kyungsoo removes his hand from Baekhyun’s face. “Pardon me?”  
  
“I want Girl Scout cookies. I want them today.”  
  
“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. “Fine. I have to go out later for some errands. I’ll get you some goddamn cookies, but only if you let me go back to sleep.”  
  
Baekhyun nods, but he doesn’t move.  
  
“May I _help_ you, Baekhyun?”  
  
“I had a nightmare. I want to sleep in your bed.”  
  
Of course Baekhyun had a nightmare. Of course Baekhyun had a nightmare and thought that the most productive course of action would be to wake up Kyungsoo, hound him about cookies, and then crawl into bed with him. Of course.  
  
“Okay, but you can’t talk or do anything. And you have to face away from me. Also, you can’t have any of my pillows because I have a very comfortable pillow fort built around my head that is protecting me and I won’t have you ruining it.”  
  
“Fine. Okay,” Baekhyun says, crawling under the covers and facing away from Kyungsoo as requested. “Can you spoon me?”  
  
“What,” Kyungsoo says flatly.  
  
“Spoon me!”  
  
It is in this moment that Kyungsoo truly realizes the modest two-bedroom apartment he shares with Baekhyun is actually a portal to hell.  
  
  
  
“Thin Mints,” Baekhyun says.  
  
“Context,” Kyungsoo says. “Use context when you speak. Details.”  
  
“This morning you promised me that you’d get Girl Scout cookies and I am telling you that I want Thin Mints. If you come home with anything but Thin Mints, I will scream so loud.”  
  
Kyungsoo is packing his backpack with everything he needs to get him through an excruciatingly long wait at his therapist’s office. A book, and another book when the first one gets boring, and a coloring book for when he officially loses all hope. Also his crayons. He can’t forget his crayons. He’s breaking in a brand new pack.  
  
“I will get you Thin Mints. Two boxes. I bet you there’s a table set up at Wal-Mart.”  
  
Baekhyun looks happy for all of two seconds before his face falls back into its characteristic scowl. “Don’t forget,” he says. There is something a little off about his normal disgruntlement and Kyungsoo feels scared to ask.  
  
Instead, he piddles around the apartment for a few minutes before leaving. Baekhyun paces from the kitchen to the living room before sitting down on the floor and flipping through the four textbooks he has spread out in front of him.  
  
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks nervously. Baekhyun only gives him a dismissive shrug in response. “Well…” Kyungsoo feels awkward. He hates these kinds of conversations. “Just keep your chin up, okay? I’ll get your cookies. I promise.”  
  
Baekhyun looks up from his homework and smiles. “Thanks, Kyungsoo.”  
  
Kyungsoo leaves with a weird feeling in his gut. He barely catches the bus by running faster than he ever thought he was physically capable of and it takes all of his willpower to not throw up all over the old lady sitting next to him. Kyungsoo sure does hate Saturdays.  
  
He gets off the bus one stop before his usual one so he can check the strip mall for Girl Scout cookie tables. He was correct in his assumption that there were would be one at Wal-Mart, but they are fresh out of Thin Mints.  
  
“Wait, seriously?” Kyungsoo asks dejectedly.  
  
“Yes, but we have—”  
  
“NO,” Kyungsoo cries, earning himself a nasty look from the gaggle of mothers gathered around the table. “No, it has to be Thin Mints or I will get so very yelled at. Anyway, thank you.”  
  
“You should check at the gas station down the street. I think there’s another cookie station there,” one of the mothers suggests.  
  
But the thing is that Kyungsoo doesn’t have the time for this. Still, he thanks her and accepts his defeat. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the clock. Fifteen minutes to get to his appointment.  
  
Maybe he can do this.  
  
He decides that he can most definitely do this if he tries really hard and runs really, really fast.  
  
And so he runs, books rattling loudly in his backpack the whole way there. He runs all the way to the gas station and wastes no time browsing through the boxes of cookies organized so neatly on the table before him.  
  
“Thin Mints,” he pants.  
  
The little girls all shake their heads.  
  
“Are you serious,” Kyungsoo whispers. They are very serious. Again, Kyungsoo is defeated.  
  
This is actually unfolding to be something akin to Kyungsoo’s worst nightmare. He is used to unreasonable requests from Baekhyun that cannot possibly be fulfilled. But this request is not unreasonable, and Kyungsoo hates it when he can’t just do the things he promises to do. And anyway, Baekhyun seems to be having an atrociously stressful day and it’s not like he’s asking for much. Fuck. Fuck the high demand for the most delicious and desirable of all Girl Scout cookies.  
  
Kyungsoo is five minutes late to his appointment. As he’s signing in and tuning out the lecture he’s receiving from the secretary who is detailing just how inconvenient it is for the entire office to deal with latecomers and flakes, he sees them.  
  
The cookies.  
  
Sitting on a plate right next to the sign in sheet is a pile of Thin Mints. Holy, blessed Thin Mints. Kyungsoo anxiously takes one and nibbles on it. It is delicious.  
  
“Dr. Jung is waiting in his office for you.”  
  
Kyungsoo pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth. He has to find the source. Where did these cookies come from?  
  
It’s going to be a pretty standard appointment as far as Kyungsoo is concerned. Lately things are okay. He’s working a lot of hours and bringing in some extra money. Rent doesn’t feel like as much of a burden as it usually does. Tomorrow he’s even going to buy the more expensive brand of instant ramen that Baekhyun likes—  
  
Dr. Jung asks about Baekhyun. How is living with Baekhyun going? Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to answer that question. It’s hellish sometimes. Baekhyun is loud and grumpy. He makes Kyungsoo do his math homework for him. He always sets off the fire alarm when he tries to cook. He is infuriating.  
  
But Baekhyun is nice sometimes. He knows the way Kyungsoo likes his comforter tucked into the bedframe. He always remembers to DVR Kyungsoo’s favorite show on Wednesday nights. When Kyungsoo forgets to order his salad without tomatoes, Baekhyun will always happily eat them.  
  
Suddenly Kyungsoo is crying. “He doesn’t ask for much from me, really. So when I can’t even get him a box of stupid cookies it makes me feel totally worthless! You know what he did last week? He cleaned the entire apartment. And he threw a whole lemon into the disposal and broke our sink. I’ve been washing dishes in the shower since then because we can’t afford to get it fixed. But he was doing it to make me happy. I don’t want to disappoint him. He tries really hard in his weird way. I feel like I don’t try enough at all. All I do is bitch and complain about everything he does. I’m terrible. I’m so terrible and I can’t even find a box of Thin Mints anywhere in this god damn town. Fucking god damn it all. Fuck.”  
  
By the time Kyungsoo finishes, his appointment is over. He sniffles, collects himself, and leaves without another word. Time to find a new therapist.  
  
The secretary stops him about scheduling another appointment. While she’s typing away on her computer, Kyungsoo eyes the plate of Thin Mints next to him.  
  
“Next Friday at noon? Is that okay?”  
  
“Uhhh… yeeeeeah,” Kyungsoo says slowly.  
  
She hands him a card with the time and date written on it.  
  
“Actually,” he says, “can I do two? Instead?”  
  
“… Fine,” she says, turning back to her computer.  
  
With more speed than humans are actually capable of producing, Kyungsoo grabs the plate of Thin Mints and shoves it frantically into his backpack. Then he runs. The secretary screams after him. He has honestly never cared less about something before in his life.  
  
  
  
“Oh my God,” Baekhyun sighs, holding two cookies against his face to make sure they are real. “Oh.” He eats them. “I love you, Kyungsoo. You’re the best.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever. It was no big deal,” Kyungsoo sniffs, flipping through Baekhyun’s countless recorded episodes of _Will & Grace _on the DVR until he finds what he’s looking for.  
  
“On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times,” Baekhyun whispers, fishing another cookie out of Kyungsoo’s bag, “and to live by the Girl Scout law.”  
  
Kyungsoo laughs. Maybe today is going to be a good day.  
  
Baekhyun doesn’t ask why they’re eating the cookies directly out of the bottom of Kyungsoo’s backpack. He eyes Kyungsoo. His face is peaked and his eyelids are heavy from doing nothing but studying all day, but he thinks he can manage to hold off on a nap for a while so he can watch Kyungsoo’s stupid Wednesday night sitcom with him.  
  
Today is definitely going to be a good day.


End file.
